Feeling like you're not getting many messages?
If things are a little quiet in your inbox, you're not alone. Everyone likes to receive messages, but it's normal to go through quiet periods. Here's some advice from Christian Connection staff and members to help get things started again:

  • Most people won't get many waves or messages until they start sending them, so don't sit around waiting. You may need to contact a few members before you find someone you click with. We know making the first move can be an anxious experience, but remember everyone is in the same boat - so take the plunge and get mailing.

  • First messages can be the hardest. We recommend a short, friendly message asking a question or mentioning something you have in common, based on your profiles. Maybe you both like the same books or both play tennis. Keep it positive and invite them to write back to you.

  • Don't just say 'Hi'! Very short greetings can be hard to reply to, and the other person will usually just say 'Hi' back. Get things started with a question, and make sure it's personalised. It's easy to tell when you're sending the same generic message to everyone.
  • Take it slowly and be patient. People who send out five mails a day and want a fast response will be disappointed. It's about quality not quantity. Building relationships takes time, sometimes months to build up communication and trust.

  • Think about how you express yourself. The way you come across in your mail and your profile matters. Sloppy spelling and grammar may put people off. However, always remember that some people just aren't naturals at spelling and always be kind.

  • Avoid one liners such as: 'Hi I'm Chris, I like your profile.' - they make you appear lazy and put pressure on the other person. Generally this type of mail is poorly received and the sender rarely gets mail in return.

  • Complete your profile. Members who fill out all the questions, and have good photos are much more likely to receive mail. Don't be afraid to show who you are, that's who other people will fall for!

Remain positive! There are lots of interesting people who would like to hear from you, but it can take a little while to start getting replies. People usually take some time to reply even if they have already seen the mail, they go on holiday or are just busy and thinking about how to reply. Make sure not to send negative messages if you don't get a reply - these will never change things. Just move on and message someone else.

And, of course, remember to reply to your own messages if you can. 

What Not to Write

  • Don't write in SUSTAINED CAPITALS. It can look like shouting and be hard to read.

  • Don't give out your home email or telephone number too quickly - it can be a bit intimidating for the receiver to reply likewise. One of the reasons why people use the site is because it offers a secure way to communicate. And remember, once you have given out your personal details, it is very hard to stop further contact.

  • Don't ask too many direct, personal questions at first. Talk about your approach to life, faith, likes and dislikes before trying to find out too many facts and figures. If you were to meet someone at a party or pub who was grilling you about your job and asking immediately for your phone number, chances are you would feel uncomfortable! It's exactly the same on line, so make your conversation a chat rather than an interrogation.

  • Don't promote events, products or services via the mailbox system. Only write to someone if you think you might be interested in a personal connection with them.